The Boring Stuff
You focus on building the business. We make sure the foundation holds.
Security. Speed. Uptime. So your checkout doesn't die at 2am.
What You Stop Worrying About
When the boring stuff is handled, you get your headspace back.
Sleep Through the Night
No more 2am fires. No more "is the site down?" anxiety. We're watching so you're not.
Stop Playing Whack-a-Mole
That constant low-grade stress of things breaking? Gone. We fix root causes, not symptoms.
Know Before It Breaks
We catch the slow leaks—speed decay, security gaps, silent integration failures—before they cost you.
Have Someone to Call
"Is this normal?" "Should I be worried?" "What would you do?" A direct line to people who know your site.
Stop Inheriting Messes
Legacy code, old plugins, that thing your last dev did—we clean it up so it stops haunting you.
Find Money You're Missing
Quarterly audits surface conversion friction you didn't know existed. Maintenance that pays for itself.
What "Boring" Looks Like in Practice
Real results from real stores. No fluff, no vanity metrics.
"Klaviyo integration broke silently. Abandoned cart flows stopped sending for almost three weeks — and nobody noticed."
Integration health monitoring, automated alert system, flow restoration
The fix took 2 hours. The monitoring that prevents it from ever happening again runs 24/7.
"Product pages loading at 9.4 seconds on mobile. Paid traffic was burning budget — customers bounced before the page even rendered."
Full performance audit, image compression, caching overhaul, theme code cleanup
They were spending $8K/month on ads driving traffic to a site that couldn't keep up.
"Outdated apps, no firewall, SSL warnings popping up for customers at checkout. One bad Tuesday away from a breach."
Security hardening, app audit and cleanup, WAF configuration, 24/7 uptime monitoring
The SSL warning alone was costing them trust — and sales — every single day it went unfixed.
"Site was 'fine.' No fires, no outages. But a quarterly audit surfaced checkout UX friction that was silently killing conversions."
Checkout flow optimization, mobile form simplification, payment gateway streamlining
Nobody asked us to look at checkout. That's the point of proactive audits.
All six services. Every month. One flat rate.
See PricingIs This For You?
We're picky about fit. That's how we stay good at this.
- Shopify, WooCommerce, or BigCommerce brands doing $1M–$10M+
- You've outgrown DIY but don't need a full-time dev
- Your site is revenue-critical—downtime costs real money
- You're tired of "my last developer ghosted me" conversations
- You want one team that knows your stack inside and out
- Just launched and need your first website built
- Looking for the cheapest option (we're not that)
- Your site gets a few hundred visitors a month
- Want a one-time fix, not an ongoing partnership
Sound like you? Here's what to do next:
How It Works
Three steps to never thinking about your site again.
The Audit
We plug in, audit your entire site—speed, security, integrations, code quality—and flag everything that's a risk or an opportunity.
→The Fix
We knock out the urgent stuff first. The slow pages, the security gaps, the integration that's been "acting weird" for months. You'll feel the difference.
→The Cruise
Ongoing care. We monitor, optimize, update, and prevent problems so you can focus on growing your business instead of babysitting your site.
Ready to get started?
Platforms & Tools We Support
Deep expertise across the modern ecommerce and web stack.
What We Actually Do
The unsexy work that keeps your site fast, secure, and making money while you sleep.
Security & Monitoring
24/7 uptime monitoring, malware scanning, SSL management, plugin updates, and firewall config. We catch threats before they cost you.
Performance Optimization
Page speed audits, image compression, code cleanup, caching strategy. We shave seconds off load times so customers don't bounce.
Integration Management
Klaviyo, ReCharge, Stripe, ShipStation—we keep your integrations healthy and fix them when they break. No more 2am fires.
Bug Fixes & Troubleshooting
Broken checkout? Layout shifting on mobile? We diagnose root causes and fix them properly—not just slap a bandaid on it.
Analytics & Reporting
Monthly reports that tell you what's working, what's not, and what to do about it. No vanity metrics—just clarity.
Proactive Improvements
We don't just maintain—we improve. Quarterly audits surface opportunities to make your site faster, safer, and more profitable.
All six. Every month. $997.
See PricingSimple Pricing. Real Partnership.
Pick what fits. Upgrade anytime.
The Boring Stuff
We handle it so you don't have to.
- Security, speed & uptime monitoring
- Proactive maintenance & updates
- Priority on-call support
- Integrations that don't break at 2am
The Boring Stuff + A Brain
Everything in The Boring Stuff, plus a strategic partner who knows your business. Monthly calls. Quarterly roadmaps. A direct line when you need a gut check.
- Everything in The Boring Stuff
- Monthly strategy call (30 min)
- Quarterly site audit + roadmap
- Direct Slack access
- "What should we do about X?" on demand
The Whole Damn Thing
For the ambitious few who want everything. A true strategic partner—fractional CTO + CMO. Your entire digital brain, outsourced. Strategy, execution, the boring stuff, the exciting stuff—one team, no contractors.
$5K–$10K+/monthThe "No Regrets" Guarantee
Try The Boring Stuff for 30 days. If you don't feel the difference—faster pages, fewer fires, less stress—we'll refund your first month. No awkward conversations, no hoops.
We've been doing this since 2011. We know what good looks like, and we're confident you'll see it too.
Why We Built This
The thinking behind the service—and the people who run it.
🏛️ The Philosophy
We're not plumbers who show up when things break. We're architects who keep them from breaking in the first place.
That means we think about your site the way you think about your business—strategically, proactively, always with an eye on what's next. We don't wait for fires. We prevent them.
💡 The Origin Story
After 13 years building sites for brands, we kept seeing the same pattern: great launches followed by slow decay. Speed creeping down. Security patches ignored. Integrations failing silently. Nobody watching.
We built The Boring Stuff for brands who want someone in their corner—before things go sideways.
Digital strategist and fractional CTO who's prevented more disasters than he can count. After 13 years, he's seen every way a site can fail—and built the systems to prevent them.
UX designer and operations lead who turns complexity into clarity. Knows that most site problems are really communication problems in disguise—and solves both.
Questions? We've Got You.
The stuff people usually ask before saying yes.
What exactly is included in the $997/month?
What platforms do you support?
What if something breaks on a weekend?
Can I cancel anytime?
What happens in the first week?
Do you build new features too, or just maintenance?
How is this different from other maintenance plans?
Want a second set of eyes on your site?
We'll take a quick look and tell you what we'd prioritize. No pitch, just insight.
Let's Take a Look